A Hat of Names
by Darkwood Princess
Summary: Or the one where Jim has issues with undercover names and Bones and Spock object. Inspired by my new love of the Sherlock fandom and the idea of mischievous!Jim.


**AN: So I have fallen in love with the Sherlock fandom (you'll see how this is relevant in a moment) and I firmly believe that Starfleet sends its operatives on weird missions where they have to go undercover, you know first contact evaluation missions. It's my headcannon that Jim picks the most ridiculous code names. (As for precedent of the idea of covert missions, just look at the TOS episodes "A Private Little War", "Bread and Circuses", and "A Piece of the Action". There is a reference to the events of one of the drabbles in my other fic, Spocks' Dictionary of Colloquialisms, but it does not need to be read at all to make sense of this one. **

There were days when the average observer felt bad for Starfleet. They weren't often and they weren't particularly well broadcast to the public, but they were there. Often they stemmed from three pertinent facts.

One: Starfleet is both a military and exploratory group and hence has a flagship.

Two: The flagship is run by one Captain James T. Kirk.

Three: He's 25 years old.

You couldn't not send your flagship to do first contact evaluations. Especially when said young captain gets the job done and gets it done spectacularly. You could of course regret Jim Kirk's quirky habits. Such as his terrible skill (or lack therof) of providing names for such covert operations.

Just watch…

"I swear to God Jim, if you give us one more set of stupid undercover names, I'm going to hypo you into next Tuesday!" Leonard McCoy's outburst was more than a little expected as he stepped off the transporter pad after the last in a string of first contact evaluations.

"Doctor that is-" Spock's smooth voice attempted to cut in only to be interrupted by the volatile physician.

"Improbable? Unethical? Immoral? We've had this discussion before Spock, or should I call you Sherlock now?" Jim had the grace to look sheepish at the remonstration. They had indeed had this discussion before. Many times.

" But I kept my name Jim this time, I really did!"

"Yeah," the doctor retorted annoyed, "Jim Moriarty!"

Jim didn't see what the big fuss was about. "I let you be Doctor Watson," he replied reasonably.

"I don't _want_ to be Watson."

"You know that's not the worst thing you've been called." Jim knew, he'd caught the flak after those days (meal card restricted, extra physicals, extra visits to the bridge…).

"Oh no, next to being called the hobgoblin's dim witted assistant, _you've_ done worse." McCoy seemed to be winding down as the trio headed from the transporter room. Spock raised an eyebrow at the remark.

"As much as I would agree with your assessment doctor, I believe you are unfairly stereotyping Doctor Watson." McCoy spluttered and sent Spock a glare that would have melted solid transparisteel if it could have.

Naturally it rolled right off of Spock.

"Not the point. The point is he called me Chewbacca Solo during the one mission and got away with it!" Spock turned and looked at the faintly embarrassed Jim whose body language screamed _it-seemed-like-a-good-idea-at-the-time_.

"Captain?" was the only remark made.

"You missed that one Spock. It was the one with the lizard men of Illustria Seven. I was Han Skywalker. They suspected nothing." Spock remembered faintly that as being the mission he missed the one time he took shore leave. He had come back to an _Enterprise_ crew with a new phobia of reptiles.

"Jim?! How's that going to look when we return in fifty years?" Bones raised a valid point. Spock could see just how embarrassed the Federation representative would be to admit that Han Skywalker and Chewbacca Solo were their envoys.

"I could have called you Mycroft today. That would have been worse." Jim attempted to divert the doctor's attention.

"Cause I really want to be Spock's brother. You're impossible." The doctor rolled his eyes and gave up the conversation as a lost cause.

" There is a palpable difference between Star Wars and Sherlock, Captain." Spock's quiet reprimand caused Jim to stick his tongue out in a very un-Captain like fashion. The trio continued walking in silence for a few moments before Jim felt the need to speak again.

"Remember the time I told them I was Hal Jordan?" Spock wanted to groan at that particular memory.

"As opposed to the times you were Abe Lincoln, Horatio Hornblower, and Jack Sparrow? Or how about the planet where everyone called you Buzz Lightyear until Spock refused to play along as Woody? By the way who the hell is William Shatner? I normally get your references but that one went over my head." Jim shrugged as if to say _made-it-up_.

"Not surprising doctor." Sometimes Spock couldn't help himself.

"Shut up Sherlock."

"Whatever you say, Dr. Watson."

Jim laughed to himself as they entered the bridge, the discussion disintegrating into the usual pointed bickering. If they were arguing at each other they couldn't blame him for anything. Besides, they had another mission lined up and he was in an old fashioned children's literature mood.

When he called Spock Severus and Bones Hermione on the next mission the two nearly killed him later.

**AN: Yes this is more than a bit crackish. Reviews are love guys and gals!**


End file.
